


Unexpected Goodbye

by elfof_lorien



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Cullavellan - Freeform, F/M, Heart Break
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-24
Updated: 2016-09-24
Packaged: 2018-08-17 03:18:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8128360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elfof_lorien/pseuds/elfof_lorien
Summary: Cullen feels something has gone wrong when he receives no word from Illara after she's been gone from Skyhold for a long while. Is he just overreacting, or could his fears be true?





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time posting anything like this! (I know it's a little spotty, I had a thought one evening and I couldn't sleep until I had it written out)
> 
> Please feel free to give feedback.  
> Thanks and enjoy n_n

Cullen paced the floor behind his desk. A clean path amongst the books and forgotten papers left in his wake. He was agitated. Anxious. He sat abruptly with a sigh. He looked though the papers strewn across the desktop. Miscellaneous letters and reports here and there, but at the top of them all were the most recent reports from Ilara. To be honest, he safely filed away anything that she had written or handled. Her delicate script reminded him of how her fingers idly traced circles and loops on his skin when they were together. He longed for her touch again. With that, his thoughts wandered back to her field reports. It had been quite some time since the last time she had sent one. She was relatively efficient when exploring a new area, and promptly sent reports of general findings within a week or so. But it had been nearly a month. He knew that Emprise du Lion had felt the hand of the Red Templars more than most of the regions they had visited. But Ilara was strong and clever. Surely it was nothing more than a delay in delivery. Surely… 

“No new reports?”   “Nothing recently, commander.” 

Cullen’s blow reflexively furrowed. An uncomfortable knot beginning to twist in the pit of his stomach. “I want to know as soon as-“

A commotion grew outside the door, the guards on the ramparts. Cullen quickly rose to his feet as the door to his quarters swung open. 

“Commander, a party of inquisition forces are making their way across the bridge, more than usual that is..”    
Before the soldier could finish, Cullen had already made his way out of the office and to the edge of the wall. The group of 50 or so soldiers slowly made their way towards Skyhold. Their silence did nothing to ease his tension. Towards the front of the party appeared to be someone being carried. He focused on the figure, trying to make out any features, but the fading light of the day failed him. 

“Raise the gate!” He called, his voice cracking. 

His thoughts raced. It can’t be… It’s not. No. He assured himself. Despite his attempts to stay calm, he still found his feet swiftly carrying him down the stone stairs. Before he could realize it, he was wading though a crowd that had gathered around the company entering Skyhold. A somber aura had fallen over those around him. Typically when a group of troops returned, it was cause for celebration. But this time, something wasn’t right. 

Finally Cullen found a familiar face. 

Cassandra, turned away, her face crumpled. She immediately looked to Cullen, her face blanched as she reached for him. “Cullen, w-we.. They ambushed us…” 

Cullen looked past her, his gaze locked on the figure at the center of the crowd, only indistinct features from where he could see. Her words faded away, a shrill ringing taking over his senses. He pushed though the ones standing between him and the horror before him. 

No. Maker, no. Please… Please

He froze. This was a dream. A nightmare. He felt his strength begin to wane, his knees giving way. He was in a daze as he reached for her small hand. 

Cold. Why was she so cold. He was taken aback, memories immediately flashing before him. Her hands always found their way to his cheeks, softly caressing. Sometimes her thumb would carefully graze over his scar. The warmth of her palm melting away any of his worries. This. Now. This was wrong. 

His eyes trailed up her arm, the links in her mail tarnished, some broken loose. His breath hitched in his throat when he finally saw her face. Her soft, light skin had turned dull and ashen. the corners of her mouth stained a dark crimson. His fingers trembled, reaching to touch the scrape across her chin, a dark purple bruise faded underneath her snow-white skin. The rose of her lips that he had always been so fond of had muted and her eyes. Her eyes… The soft warm light through leaves. Green and amber. They were closed. Asleep. Unwaking. 

Whatever this was, what ever was before him. He would not accept it. Cullen found himself back in his office, his breath ragged. The silence around him and the incessant ringing in his ears was deafening. a tidal wave of rage crashed upon him. He toppled the bookshelf at his side. The papers on his desk flung to the side, glass and metal crashing to the cold floor. he grabbed the chair at his desk, slamming it against the wall across the room, the wood splintering into every direction. These exertions left him trembling. He collapsed beside his desk, his face buried in his palms. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't think. Every thought, a memory, never a complete image. His mind was flooded with little details; the way her freckles covered her cheeks, the color of her eyelashes, the way she tucked her hair behind her ear, the gentle slope of her neck, the sound of her breathing while she dreamed. These images attacked him. Every nerve ending in his body electrified. Every sense being flooded and bogged down. He looked away from his hands, just beside him lay a scrap of paper, the fine scroll immediately recognizable. 

“ I didn’t want to leave without saying goodbye,  know that I love you, and my thoughts  are always of you.  
until I am in your arms again,  ar lath ma,  
Ilara”


End file.
